back in january, i claimed ‘bold’ as my word to focus on in 2017……. do you know how long ago january was??
i feel as though i have lacked in the boldness department, on many fronts – i still hesitate to put myself ‘out there’ in social situations and would rather be home in my yoga pants on the couch, i enrolled back in school but deferred until spring because i ‘wasn’t ready yet’, i have yet to stray from my hair color of 34 years, etc. etc. – procrastination has always been my jam.
it has taken ten months for me to fully embrace my ‘word of the year.’ and in all honesty, at this point, i just assumed i would roll it over for next year since i’ve not used it much… 2018 could be the year of bold, right?! and 2017 could be the year of blah. or stuck. or just sit there and wish things would happen and don’t really do anything about it, homeslice.
but today i unexpectedly stepped out in faith. today i was bold.
in a moment where a former version of myself would have had a full blown panic attack – i instantly felt relieved by my decision. and not just relieved, but proud too.
who is this girl that makes a life altering decision with such confidence??
where the heck did she come from?!?!!!
now, that’s not to say i didn’t have about a 10min spell of hysterical crying to the point i couldn’t breathe – old habits die hard, yo. BUT i’ve read that it takes courage and strength to walk away from things not meant for you. and as much as i would like to take the credit for being so bold on this, i could feel my hand being held the whole time. i didn’t walk out alone, you see. i didn’t make this decision on a whim. i had been thinking about it, praying about it, ignoring the nagging in my heart – hoping it would just go away & that i would be content again.
‘how the Lord showed up for me today’ is a title of a ‘note’ i have saved in my phone. i add to it when i see glimpses of God’s love and mercy and favor bestowed upon my life, so that i am reminded when i feel downtrodden, ashamed, unloved, unworthy, alone – He’s got me.
today’s note reads: He gave me a push when He knew i wouldn’t do it on my own. He lead me out with my chin up and a smile on my face. He closed a door for me when He saw me hesitating to do so. His plan is always better than mine anyways. 😉
i pray that i can live up to this blessing God has given me, that anything i do will be for His glory and of His will. i pray i do not take this chance for granted, that i use it to further His work and bring honor to His name.
He is forever faithful.